Why We Write

This week has been really hard. My dad's situation still weighs heavy on the family as we try to find a sustainable solution. My living situation has been chaotic and stressful. My career feels stagnant and my work life has been overtaken by other responsibilities. And so, when I opened my email yesterday and found several messages from strangers thanking me for sharing my father's story, it truly lifted my heart.

Writing is a deeply solitary act and sometimes it can be hard to remember why we actually do it. Moments like these remind me: we write to connect. As the incredible comedian Hannah Gadsby says in her new one-woman show, it's important to share our stories. They help us develop a diverse and complex perspective of the world around us--thus cultivating a more compassionate self and society.

I am proud to share my latest essay published in Lenny, a deeply personal account of the journey my family has been on as we navigate the stormy seas of neurological decline.

All my best to you, my lovely readers!

Multilingual Like Whoa

Living in Cartagena is like living in a whirlpool of language, and it’s not only because it’s a massive tourist destination. Being trilingual, I’ve never had to use all three of my languages simultaneously. In Miami, I’ve gotten into the habit of speaking a mix of English and Spanish (the notorious Miami Spanglish). When I was a student, I studied French and English simultaneously, but in separate classes with distinct teachers and textbooks. Many of my friends in middle and high school had French backgrounds and some of them had only recently made the move from Europe. As a result, my friend group was dubbed “The Frenchies” for our constant use of the language. But usually, I’ve used my languages one at a time—French when I’m visiting my family in Europe, Spanish when I’ve traveled through Spain and Latin America, English when I’m visiting all the former and current British colonies around the world.

But living in Cartagena has upended all linguistic delineations. Both my work and social lives are a soup of languages, and I’m constantly switching between English, French and Spanish. At the Universidad de Cartagena, I’ve been teaching English in their Foreign Languages program. The students I teach are learning English and French intensively. Most of my colleagues are proficient in all three languages, and the other foreign language assistants are also trilingual. As it turns out, all three of us have French heritage: one is 100% French, one is Scottish-French, and I’m my own wacky combination—French Belgian Cuban American. Amongst each other, we move fluidly between all three languages. Banter in the teacher’s lounge is always trilingual, sometimes to hilarious effect. And the students are unceasingly impressive with their high levels of English and French.

The residents at the hotel where I live are a mish-mash of Colombians and Europeans. French, Spanish, Italian, Andorran, and lots and lots of Germans. (Interestingly, I haven’t met any other Americans during my time in Cartagena, besides a Puerto Rican woman who’s doing volunteer work in Cartagena and an artist who’s been living in the hotel for 29 years and has raised his Colombian-American children in this beautiful place.) As you can imagine, we’re quite the international bunch and our conversations take on the vibrant colors of each of our homelands. A dinner on the patio is never boring, I’ll tell you that much.

Now let’s add another element to the mix: German. As you may know, my partner is German, or ‘el aleman alto’ as they call him here. (The tall German.) Somehow, I’ve been thrown into the German category by virtue of living in the same apartment as him. Perhaps it’s just easier to say “The German couple live there”? Anyway, this does not change the fact that I am not German, nor do I speak German.

Interesting fact about Colombians: there are currently 14,000 Colombians in Germany right now. In fact, there’s enough of a migration that a German organization was inspired to publish this study, “The Colombian diaspora in Germany: transnational action and country of origin-related involvement.” Many Colombians you meet have a cousin or a son or a brother in Germany. Apparently, Colombians love Germany! Perhaps this bond between the countries has been created because Germans seem to love Colombia, too. At the hotel there is a predominant German presence. One of my neighbors directs the Casa Cultural Colombo Alemana, a German language school with great events and resources for anyone wanting to immerse themselves into German culture. And I’d say they have a very successful operation. Last month, we attended an Oktoberfest in Cartagena and next week, we’ll be attending a traditional Weihnachtsmarkt, or German Christmas market. They even teach German classes on the nearby Islas del Rosario!

I’ve really enjoyed learning German. My teacher is from Barranquilla but you’d never guess it from her impeccable German skills! As someone who’s never really had to learn a language from zero, it’s a very humbling and often frustrating experience. But I’ve got a patient teacher at home who helps me with my homework. The philosophy at the German school is to speak as much German as possible, even if what you end up speaking is a mish-mash of Spanish and German, or Alemañol as they call it. You should see my notes from class: an eruption of German, Spanish, and English. Lucky, I am beginning to see some slight similarities between German and English, but German is still a wild beast all on its own, but I aim to tame it!

My teacher said to label everything in my house... so I did!

At times it feels like my brain is going to explode from switching between English, French, Spanish and GERMAN, but hopefully this experience is like weightlifting for my brain. Sometimes I’m mamado, as they say here on the coast. Totally wrung out. But often it’s just exhilarating to be able to put all my languages to use in one day, and sometimes, in one sentence! 

More Structure = More Spontaneity

Hi friends! The semester is well underway and I've been buried beneath my novel and my memoir (I'm writing a memoir?!) and all the other things that take over a graduate student's life.

In the meantime, my nonfiction class has been reading and learning about John McPhee, the grandfather of nonfiction--and let me tell you, he knows his stuff!

McPhee breaks down his writing process in this New Yorker article and in this Paris Review interview and the main thing that comes across is his love for STRUCTURE. According to him, "Structure is not a template. It’s something that arises organically from the material once you have it."

In the article, he writes about the computer software (that was essentially designed FOR him) that he uses to organize his notes into sections. Then, once he has those separate sections, he can sit down at his desk and focus on JUST THAT SECTION rather than getting bogged down with an onslaught of information and data.

"Structure liberates you to write," he says in the interview. "You get away from the mechanics through this mechanical means. The spontaneity comes in the writing, the phraseology, the telling of the story—after you’ve put all this stuff aside."

Meanwhile, I was swimming in the second draft of my novel, and I could barely see what way was up or down. It was while lamenting about this to my fellow writers at an SCBWI meeting that one of them mentioned Scrivener.

"It's a lifesaver," she said. "It'll totally help you get organized."

I had heard about this writing software from another friend, and I'd even tried my hand once, but it had been a while since I'd used it. I decided to give it another try.

As you can see from these pictures, Scrivener has all kinds of great tools that help writers visualize their story (many of which I haven't even figured out yet!) This helps writers understand the structure of the whole thing, and also allows us to hone in on one particular section/chapter/scene--very helpful when you're 30k words in!

Thanks to Scrivener, I just finished the second draft of my novel and sent it to my advisor today! 152 pages and 42,600 words! Whoo!

I've even found Scrivener to be helpful in writing smaller pieces, like a lyric essay or a short story.

The moral of the story is that STRUCTURE=FOCUS=FREEDOM. Writing and stories come from a place of deep inspiration, but eventually we've got to sit down and wrangle the beast. Tools like Scrivener help us do that dirty work!

Composing Real Life: Putting the FICTION in Nonfiction

In my fiction class the other day, my professor made a comment comparing my fiction writing to my nonfiction.

“You seem so in control of your characters in your fiction,” she said. “And with your nonfiction, there are too many people on the stage. I always want you to edit down the characters, maybe combine a couple and cut some out.”

Her comment made me laugh. I come from a big family! What does she expect? (And while I wish I could control my family members, I can't!) But my teacher is bringing up something that we talk about A LOT in my nonfiction class: What liberties can we take when we are writing true stories?

We just read Richard Blanco’s hilarious memoir about growing up in Miami, The Prince of Los Cocuyos, which comes with an interesting disclaimer. He writes in his author’s note at the beginning of the book: “I’ve compressed events, changed the names of people, places and things. At times I have collaged two (or three) people into one, embroidered memories, or borrowed them. I’ve bent time and space in the way that the art of memory demands.”

Almost every memoir that we have read in my nonfiction class comes with some version of this author’s note, and we always spend class time speculating what characters were “composited” and which events were compressed.

When people ask what creative nonfiction is, I tell them it’s applying the tools of fiction to tell true stories. In nonfiction writing, people you know become “characters” and real events become “scenes.” This is how nonfiction is different from journalism or reportage. We are shaping real events into a compelling story, but in order to do so, we might have to take some creative liberties.

For example, if I were writing a memoir, my gaggle of Cuban aunties might become a single character. Or, if I wanted to write about my daily drives to elementary school with my father and sister, I might borrow dialogue and events from several of those drives and roll it into one scene. Would this make my writing less true? Can this still be considered nonfiction?

You may be wondering why a writer of nonfiction would even consider employing these strategies. There are several reasons. First of all, you must understand that our loyalty is to the reader. As writers, we have made a contract with the reader to tell them a story, and we are going to tell the best damn story that we can.

If I were to name my aunties, all eleven of them, how would this effect the reader? Would the reader be able to keep track of who said what? More than likely, they would become overwhelmed by the abundance of characters on the stage (as my fiction professor was when reading my nonfiction.) The same goes with the car rides. Sure, I can try to recreate for you each separate car ride when my father said something crazy and my sister did something funny, but by compressing them into one scene, you get a feeling for what those car rides were like. Everything I am saying happened did actually happen; it just might not have happened in the exact way that I am describing it.

Writers must decide for themselves where they stand on this issue. But even if you don’t feel comfortable combining a few minor characters into one or compressing events, most likely you are still not telling the “whole truth and nothing but the truth.” Why is that? Because, in order to fulfill your contract as a storyteller, you are going to cherry-pick what events and characters to write about. This is called narrative omission. Again, what we do as storytellers is very different from what journalist do. Our loyalty is to the story and not necessarily to the facts.

So how does omission work? Well, let’s say I’m writing a hypothetical memoir about my lifelong battle with diabetes (*completely made up scenario). Of course, lots of other things are true about my life, such as taking a trip to Africa and having a love of whales. But if these things don’t pertain to my battle with diabetes, does it make sense to include them in my memoir? Two things may be happening in your life simultaneously, but one thing will have to do with what you’re writing about and the other doesn’t.

Readers pick up a memoir for a very different reason than they do a work of historical nonfiction; the art of memoir demands a reader who appreciates emotional truths. Memoirists understand the malleability and ambiguity of memory, and their attempt is to write as close to their truth as possible. Of course, each person in any situation will have a different perspective of the same event. As Blanco writes in his author’s note, “these pages are emotionally true, though not necessarily or entirely factual.” It is up to the reader (and the writer) to decide how to come to terms with this complexity.  

Dispatches from NonfictioNOW!

Last week, I returned to my restless ways and went westward - to Arizona for NonfictioNOW!

Rule #1 of traveling : Have friends everywhere!
Lucky for me, my artist friends, Chris and Shelby, recently moved to Sedona for a glass-blowing gig. My visit coincided with their day off so we were able to have an adventure in the Red Rocks Secret Wilderness!

 

Rule # 2 of traveling: Learn something! 

There was lots of learning happening at the High Country Conference Center. I attended over 10 different panels, on topics ranging from "Mixed Media Memoir" to "The Complementary Worlds of Narrative Journalism and The Essay." Brenda Miller, the queen of form-bending nonfiction essays, showed a short BBC film of the life of hermit crabs! The keynote speakers were thought-provoking and hilarious. Brian Doyle had us start off "stupid" with a "Yankees suck" chant! And then went on to deliver a truly inspiring speech. I learned about tons of awesome books, new authors, and literary magazines, and to top it off, there were nightly readings at a nearby coffee shop. I left the conference re-energized, with a notebook full of scribbles and some new friends.

Brenda Miller discusses Hermit Crab essays!

Rule # 3 of traveling : Say yes!

Friday morning, I woke up early and played hooky from the conference to drive the 1.5 hours northbound to THE GRANDEST CANYON OF THEM ALL! In the company of a new friend from Couchsurfing, we explored the South rim. I even caught sight of an elk! 

I am still trying to process the beauty of this place. I hope to return someday and spend more time getting to know this wise land. 

Rule # 4 of traveling: Live like the locals 

Flagstaff is a really cute town. It's all trains and coffee shops, book stores and adventure outfitters. The people we were staying with living within walking distance of all of these things, and had a gaggle of chickens. My heart! 

a shipping container house!

very bike-friendly town!

When I saw a poster for a New Orleans brass band show on Halloween night, I decided there was no place I'd rather be on Hallow's Eve than surrounded by dancing goblins and spooky saxes!

The Haymarket Squares opening at Orpheum Theater

The Dirty Dozen

NOLA Brass!

Here are a few choice quotes heard around the conference:

• “A place is a story happening many times” Kim Stafford
• “A guest for a moment sees every flaw” Yiddish
• “You have to take notes in the bathroom” Pico Iyer
• “Normal is hard on curiosity”
• “A human being is an animal who knows she’s going to die, and that’s hard.” Maggie Nelson
• All times are good ones if we all but know what to do with them – Emerson
• "Academia is in the biz of sorting and norming." Michael Martone
• Skewer yourself first (in CNF)
• “I can only write nonfiction about things I don’t understand. Writing as an investigation” Tim Flannery
• "We investigate the passage of time, not for nostalgia but for friction” Jessica Handler 
• "Change is inevitable – positive change is directive" Amy Wright on the future of women writers
• "I will not be in any anthology of women writers" Elizabeth bishop
• “We don’t live in a gender-less, color-less world. Why not embrace it, make it visible?” Marcia Aldrich

Brian Doyle is amazing:

Its not about writing, its about the attentiveness

“I’ve commited novels”

We all live in a small town, even in a big city

Pretend you’re stoned without being stoned

Witnessing is the greatest thing you can do with your work

Writing is a benign neurosis; you have the virus. 

We are the guild of scribblers and scrawlers.

You have a moral charge, a strange gift, in a world w/ sales pitches and lies, where politics is performance art

“take a line out for a walk”

Some stories are bigger than the writers

We are story catchers, agents of stories

It’s about learning to ask a question and then shut your pie hole

Use your tool to LISTEN – ask people for their stories

Families are our foundation for stories

“No one talks about what happens to the ppl nothing happens to, but something happens to them and no one talks about it”

Don’t let your work be stuff on your resume

You should be startled/shocked/surprised by what’s coming out. If not, you’re not working hard enough

Mill your gift to the nth degree

My Secret Love Affair

Friends, I have a confession. I am having a love affair,.... with fiction.

I know, I know – I came into the MFA program as a nonfiction writer. Memoir is the house where I live, where I feel comfortable enough to put me feet up on the coffee table. On the other hand, fiction has always been that funky next door neighbor’s house where I wanna hang out but I’m not cool enough to get invited.

“I don’t know how to lie,” I’d say when people asked me why I wrote nonfiction. I was certain that I wasn’t creative enough to make stuff up.

Last semester, I took a class that focused on Zora Neale Hurston’s work. We all know her most popular book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, but in this class, I was introduced to a wide range of her writing. We each got the chance to choose a book that wasn’t being taught in the class and present it to our peers. I chose Dust Tracks on a Road, Hurston’s autobiography. Reading this book, I was amazed by the striking similarities between the characters in Hurston’s novels and the real people that were a part of her life. In Jonah’s Gourd Vine, she didn’t even bother to change the name of the main character, John, who was a thinly-veiled portrait of her own father.

Maybe memoir and fiction weren't as different as I thought!

I have had this epiphany before, when I read Isabelle Allende’s memoir, Paula. Being familiar with her fiction, I was floored by the way her stories mirrored the trajectory of her own life. But this time, something clicked for me. It’s as if I realized that a doorway had been open to me all along, but I had never dared to step through it.

Excited about the possibilities of autobiographical fiction, my professor let me try my hand at it for my final project. While writing, I found myself slipping into the first person “I” over and over again; my nonfiction hat was still firmly fixed on my head. At one point, I remember discussing the piece with my professor. She made a suggestion to change something about one of the characters, giving them an illness or a different job. I looked at her in surprise. “But, but – ”,  I started to say and she stopped me. “It’s okay if it didn’t really happen that way, Carmella,” she said.

This semester, I am taking a fiction workshop and I have officially delved into the genre. I’m making shit up left and right – and it feels great!

Well, it felt great at first. And then I had a freak out. I’m not a fiction writer, I’m a memoirist! What will I do! I need to choose one for my thesis and quick! I found myself talking in “should” – I should do my thesis in creative nonfiction because of x,y, and z. I decided to call up a previous graduate from my program, Melissa Carroll. She was a nonfiction student who dabbled in poetry and fiction with much success (she also published this lovely anthology about yoga!). She said for her it wasn’t a hard choice to stay with nonfiction, but she could hear in my voice where my heart lay: fiction.

“It doesn’t mean that all you can ever write is fiction forever and ever. After graduate school, you’re just a creative writer, plain and simple.” This made me feel better. I don't want to be pigeon-holed into one genre! “But listen," she continued. “You’re going to be living-eating-sleeping with this thesis for the next two years. So you better have a massive crush on it.”

My fiction affair turns out to be a good thing! I’m still getting used to the idea of defecting to the fiction camp, but hopefully, my writing career will be long and full of forays into all the genres! Most of the modern writers I love have their pens in all the pots…. But more on genre-crossing another time!

In other news, I am having a second [not-so-secret] secret love affair. 

With a kitten named Rumi.

"You didn't need your desk, did you?"

"I like books, too"

Getting over Guilt

It’s been a week since I’ve been back from Nebraska. Of course, I had to balance out my land-locked month with a few hardcore days in the water. The day after I returned from the Great Plains, I left on a camping trip in the springs (to reconnect with my mermaid self). Then, I hosted my mom for a few days here in Tampa, taking her to all the fun places that I never have time (or money) to visit when school’s in session.

Now, my bags are unpacked and the house is quiet. My writing calls to me, but so does my closet that needs organizing, my garden that needs weeding, my bills that need paying, my friends that need visiting. I have the time but not the motivation. Saturday, I planned on spending the whole day writing. Instead, I putzed around my house, intermittently listening to podcasts and napping. I didn’t even go out into the garden or walk down the street to check the mail. I took lethargy to a new level. (Also, this heat. Seriously.)

And all along, I was giving myself an internal verbal beat down. You should be writing. Those pieces need editing. Why aren’t you sending work out? You’re never going to be a writer at this rate.

I don’t want guilt to be a constant part of my psyche. Being a writer can often feel like a formless dream with intangible goals. Of course, there are the concrete goals of getting published and having people read your writing. But before that happens, there is so much else that needs to happen: reading everything that you can get your hands on, writing and rewriting and rewriting some more. All of this is crucial to the overall goal of getting published and having people read your writing, but it’s not like gardening where the beds look cleaner after you’ve spent an hour weeding. There is often very little to show for your efforts in writing, and there is always more you could be doing. More writing, more editing, more sending of work out into the world.

So how do we as writers combat this constant feeling of inadequacy and guilt? The only solution that I have come up with so far is setting a writing schedule for myself. If I meet my goal of writing for an hour every day (or a set number of pages), then I can let go of the constant internal accusations. Writers should remember that we’re in this for the long run. The book isn’t going to be written by next month, or maybe not even by next year. Writing will be your life’s work, and your career will come together in due time – as long as the commitment is there.

I heard this quote today and I think it applies to the struggles of my writing life perfectly:

You can suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. It’s your choice.

Discipline will set you free. 

Photos taken at Chassahowitzka Springs

Graphophobia

Tomorrow I leave for middle of nowhere Nebraska to take part in my first ever writing residency at the amazing Art Farm! I am super excited about being in a totally new environment with the sole purpose of writing. I'm not going to lie, though. I'm scared.

Fear is a part of any artist's psychological landscape. Let's call it graphophobia for fun. It was Georgia O'Keeffe who famously said: “I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.” Fear is just another thing I've got to get used to if I want to make writing my life. 

I don't fear many things that others might fear, like traveling solo in a foreign country or swimming between islands in the Ten Thousand Islands. But these days, as this new adventure approaches, I feel fear encroaching, gaining speed behind me, scratching at my back with its long talons. The demons roar in my ear: What right do you have to call myself a writer? What have you ever published? Who wants to read what you have to say anyway? 

For the past few weeks, I've been letting fear rule. I've stayed away from my writing desk. I've jotted down some notes here and there, but for the most part, I've been mute on the page. Let me tell you that it doesn't feel good. When I think about it, and I try not to think about it, I feel like a fraud. I want to run far, far away from my MFA program. I want to turn my writing desk into a shot glass exhibit. "There are so many other things I can do," I tell myself. "Quit now and save yourself the trouble." 

This afternoon, I joined my professor and a few classmates at a coffee shop. "What have you been writing?" my professor says.  "I haven't written a word in a month," I blurt out. "Am I doomed?" He laughs and goes on to assure me that my writing career  is not doomed. "It's okay to take a break," he says. "Now get back to work." 

We spent the rest of the hour workshopping each other's pieces. It felt good to get my hands back into the dirt, to wrap my mind around words, and dive back into the world of lyrical language, tone, structure. 

In transcendental meditation, I was taught that our mind wants to transcend. We don't have to force it. It will happen naturally if we let it.

I hope that I can approach my creative process with this levity, to trust that our minds - our souls - our beings - want to create... If we let it. This is what a residency provides: a physical and psychic space for your creative self to expand and explore without fear. 

Wish me luck!

Yoga Writing Retreat in Jamaica

Would you like to spend a weekend connecting with mind and body in lush, tropical Jamaica?

Visit Natura Vida Retreat to find out more!

In Service of Story

I have been living in the land of fiction this semester. This is different country than the nonfiction landscape I am accustomed to. I am no longer in my familiar backyard, with its loquat trees and saw palms. With fiction, I am exploring new territory: the Badlands of the West, water-less and harsh. Or sub-zero terrain on which little life can grow. I am a stranger here, taking notes as I roam.

I'm learning that my process for writing fiction is much different than my creative nonfiction. With memoir, you know the story already. You may not be 100% sure who you will tell this story, but you lived it so you know it intimately.

I'm finding that writing fiction mainly looks like this: me, staring out my window, pen in hand, thinking. What am I thinking about? The story, of course!

I am learning now more than ever what my teachers have been saying - it's all about the story! The writing has pretty much fallen away at this point. This journey is no longer about being a good writer. It's about telling a good story. As my teacher says - you can write pretty sentences all day. But those are useless if you are not putting them in service of the story.

With fiction, you need to know the story in order to write it. Not know it but know it. Really, truly, intimately, from the inside out. And this takes time. Hence, the staring out the windows watching the blue jays fight the cardinals for bird seed while I ponder - should my main character have a best friend or fly solo? How does she experience the world? What does this character want more than anything and how can I show that without telling?

Sometimes, knowing the story means writing to figure it out, following the story down sandy paths or chasing after the story through a wild jungle. You must go wherever the story takes you, even (especially) if it takes you somewhere unexpected.

I am also finding that fiction looks like this. Let's say you've spent all afternoon raking leaves into neat piles. You're nearly done with the job when, all of a sudden, a strong gust of wind sweeps across your yard, sending thousands of leaves flying. All of your hard work, undone in one fell swoop.

What can you do but pick the leaves back up again? And along the way, you will put leaves together that you never thought to bring together before. You will see things in a different way. You will make new connections, draw new formations. Re-envision your story. Same parts, perhaps from a new angle.

You can only write from a place of truth. Even fiction must be born from an essential truth. What is at stake for you, the writer? What emotion are you writing to explore? What question within you are you seeking to answer?

Live Birth

My baby was right on time. It came into the world Wednesday around noon. I felt that euphoria that mothers always talk about after they finally get to hold the baby they've been carrying in their belly for nine months. My baby only stayed with me for about four months, but I think I've been holding it inside for much longer.

After my baby came out of the printer for the first time, I held it close to my heart. These after-birth moments are very important in establishing a close connection with your baby. I didn't want to do anything else except look at it, trace the image on the cover, flip through it's pages, and count to see that every toe was in place.

I was so in love, I decided to print out a bunch more of my babies. Why have only one copy when you can have thirty?? Then, my newborn and I had to be separated for a few hours because she needed some extra attention in the binding department. So I dropped off my babies at the copy store, and they promised to take excellent care of them. I kissed them each goodbye and counted the hours until I would get to hold them again.

When I finally had them in my arms a few hours later, they were even better than before! Now they had two spiffy staples in their center that made them look super professional. Now my baby and I were ready to go out into the world. My baby was ready to meet its audience.

+

Check out some photos from the Chapbook Launch Party! 

I am so indebted and in awe of the nine amazing women who shared their 

wisdom and words with me this semester.

CNF Love Fest

Enraptured by someone's brilliant reading

Reading from my latest book :)

The Magic Class

Chapbooks: Printed and Bound!

Writing: A Service Industry

This week was our last Creative Nonfiction class with Heather. The next time we meet, on Dec 3rd, we will be celebrating the birth of our new chapbooks! Aho!

The secret swamp across the street from my house

We are all sad to see this semester come to an end. I'm still in denial about it. Heather took the chance to repeat some wise things she had told us towards the beginning of the semester and I felt like I was hearing them with new ears. In a way, I am a different person than the one who started this program back in August. In any case, you can definitely say I've been reborn as a writer...

First of all, Heather reminded us that it's not about the writing. We're all good writers; that's why we're in this program. We could sit down and write beautiful prose all day long. That's not enough.

It's about the story. 

As writers, we work in service of story. We bow down to it. Everything we write must serve the greater story. If it does not move the story forward in some way, it's irrelevant and needs to come out. Even if it's the most beautiful sentence in the world. Especially if it's the most beautiful sentence in the world. (As Faulkner said, kill your darlings.)

Of course, it's not that easy. A story is never just what you think it is on the surface. A girl wants a horse. That's just the superficial set-up. But what we as writers need to figure out is - what is the deeper yearning happening underneath this piece? What does this little girl really want? Does she wish she was free from the abuse she experiences at home? It's always about something more. And it's our job to find that thing and bring it to the page.

"Writing is a service industry," Heather likes to say. "Our readers are our customers, and we have to give them what they want."

And what do they want? A good story.

It's just that easy, right?

Right.

Another gold nugget  that Heather passed on to us on our last day of class was this one -

The story will always be smarter than you. 

If you come up against a trouble spot or a snag in the writing, refrain from getting angry. Aggression will not get you through this. Instead, be open. Meditate on it. Listen to the piece. It will guide you to the truth.

The slowest way is the fastest way, my friends.

These flowers will soon be tomatoes!

Garden going strong

Play Right // Write Play

I've been thinking a lot about play lately, in all aspects of my life. Naturally, my teacher brought it up during out workshop class this week. She mentioned a few books to check out so I picked up Homo Ludens at the library by a Dutch cultural theorist, Johan Huizinga. Homo ludens means "man at play" or the species that plays (although we aren't the only ones). 

Play is an integral part of our childhood and an important factor in our human development. Huizinga argues, though, that it does not end there. According to him, "play is older than culture, for culture, however inadequately defined, always presupposes human society, and animals have not waited for man to teach them their playing.” (Huizinga 1)

According to him, these are the 5 characteristics of play:

1. Play is free, is in fact freedom.
2. Play is not “ordinary” or “real” life.
3. Play is distinct from “ordinary” life both as to locality and duration.
4. Play creates order, is order. Play demands order absolute and supreme.
5. Play is connected with no material interest, and no profit can be gained from it.

My writing teacher, Heather, says we must write the unthinkable (write without thinking), and if as Huizinga suggests that "play only becomes possible [...] when an influx of mind breaks down," then perhaps ... 

writing is play? 

She had us do an exercise in class on Wednesday where we were to draw cats - while I sang to the class. The moment she told the class that I would be singing while they drew, blood pressures rose. "Imagine if you were a child again, and your teacher said that a classmate was going to sing while you draw," she said. "Would you be afraid for that person? No. You'd think it was the most natural, normal thing in the world."

We have replaced play with fear - fear of messing up - because we have been tricked into believing that there is a right and a wrong. 

Huizinga writes: "The play-mood is labile [i.e. easily altered] in its very nature. At an moment, 'ordinary life' may reassert its right either by an impact from without, [...] or by an offence against the rules, or else from within, by a collapse of the play spirit, a sobering, a disenchantment." (21)

We, as writers, must try our best to cling to that liminal space between our conscious and unconscious mind. We will be granted beautiful gifts if we can learn to stay in that space, and it will be apparent to our readers when we fall off it. For example -

This week, one of my pieces of nonfiction was workshopped in class. I produced that piece over several sessions of furious handwriting at my sun-drenched desk where I like to think I was "in the zone." ("The zone" is that place where you have stopped thinking - that place where play blossoms.) My classmates agreed that the writing read true and real. Heather had only one comment to make and I knew exactly what part she was going to point out before she said the words. "This took me out of the story," she said, referring to a part I had added after the fact, once I was typing up my story later on. She caught it! I had to laugh. You can't trick your reader...

Like with play, writing is neither good or bad. We must resist the urge to write from a feeling state. Rather, we must write from a state of playfulness, that place that is time out of time, no-holds-barred, perfect in its spontaneous creation.