It’s been a week since I’ve been back from Nebraska. Of course,
I had to balance out my land-locked month with a few hardcore days in the water.
The day after I returned from the Great Plains, I left on a camping trip in the springs (to reconnect with my mermaid self). Then, I hosted my mom for a few days here in Tampa, taking her to all
the fun places that I never have time (or money) to visit when school’s in session.
Now, my bags are unpacked and the house is quiet. My writing
calls to me, but so does my closet that needs organizing, my garden that needs
weeding, my bills that need paying, my friends that need visiting. I have the
time but not the motivation. Saturday, I planned on spending the whole day
writing. Instead, I putzed around my house, intermittently listening to
podcasts and napping. I didn’t even go out into the garden or walk down the
street to check the mail. I took lethargy to a new level. (Also, this heat. Seriously.)
And all along, I was giving myself an internal verbal beat
down. You should be writing. Those pieces
need editing. Why aren’t you sending work out? You’re never going to be a
writer at this rate.
I don’t want guilt to be a constant part of my psyche. Being
a writer can often feel like a formless dream with intangible goals. Of course,
there are the concrete goals of getting published and having people read your
writing. But before that happens, there is so much else that needs to happen:
reading everything that you can get your hands on, writing and rewriting and
rewriting some more. All of this is crucial to the overall goal of getting
published and having people read your writing, but it’s not like gardening where
the beds look cleaner after you’ve spent an hour weeding. There is often very
little to show for your efforts in writing, and there is always more you could be
doing. More writing, more editing, more sending of work out into the world.
So how do we as writers combat this constant feeling of
inadequacy and guilt? The only solution that I have come up with so far is
setting a writing schedule for myself. If I meet my goal of writing for an hour
every day (or a set number of pages), then I can let go of the constant internal accusations. Writers should
remember that we’re in this for the long run. The book isn’t going to be
written by next month, or maybe not even by next year. Writing will be your life’s
work, and your career will come together in due time – as long as the commitment is
there.
I heard this quote today and I think it applies to the
struggles of my writing life perfectly:
You
can suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. It’s your choice.
Discipline will set you free.
Photos taken at Chassahowitzka Springs
